Malfoy Madness vol13
by Librarybeauty
Summary: Narcissa watches the kids so Hermione and Draco can have a quiet evening, the girls gab and Hermione once again is displeased with her father. HGDM ONESHOT RATEDM Cosmo's and bitchy mother's don't mix honey.


Author's note: So yeah, I'm updating

Author's note: So yeah, I'm updating. Please don't make me explain what has happened the past two days. I love….I mean I try to love her. She just makes it so damn hard! I swear I was ready to push her down the hill near Ghirardelli square, but I kept it cool. Plus it could have looked like an accident because she was already drunk! Anyway…my lovely husband treated me to a crepe at pier 39 and bought me a pretty bag at Chanel and it's all good now. So as we take a break here in the hotel I'm writing! Yay for you! Anyway I also last night got to publish a one-shot list of things Hermione wasn't allowed to do as a Malfoy, two of them on there I've done! Bet you can't guess which ones!

Rating: M for mature Malfoy content…because face it Malfoy's do it better. Lucius would like all the reader's to know that what you read in these chapters in no way can be transferred back to them, so you can't sue them. If you try you'll be pursued by nine Malfoy lawyers…You've been warned.

Disclaimer: J.K. Rowling owns everything…well almost everything.

Special thanks: **Phelix, **First let me thank you for being the first to review the last volume, because it just makes me so happy to see someone review! Second, the age gap between them all is a bit weird I know. Let me explain in the best way I can. Hermione is twenty-three and was young when she married. Her brother is nineteen and little young Marline is Emily's daughter by Marriage she is the lovely age of eighteen. I know they are young but it is just part of my plot sorry. If it seems like Marline is really Emily's daughter it's because she always thought of Emily as her mother because she raised her. Sorry for the confusion. **AerintheWhiteKnight, **I'm sorry you lost your grandmother. I lost mine too awhile back she was a true lady…I hope this chapter is more cheerful! Thanks for the review doll. **TvAddict1981**, Wow, I'm a great writer? Well you're a great reader and reviewer. Thanks sweetheart! **Dolphinroxy, **Thanks I wanted Draco to have his kicks while proposing to Mione. You can so picture him laughing and enjoying seeing her breakdown as he makes the ring get bigger and bigger. Yeah, um I'm refusing to talk about the monster right now…I'm relaxing and she is getting on my nerves. Trust me that movie is really fake, my monster-in-law uses other ways to make me pissed! Plus she gladly let me marry her son…which is weird because once I had a kid she was like the devil. Anyway, thanks for the review you're as sweet as sugar! **Bbycaks01, **Don't get too addicted to my stories; I'm not paying for your rehab! Lol jk… thanks for the review Darling. **Crystalight22, **Yeah I know! I love Shaun, if I got to marry anyone in this story it would be Shaun…wow I really am a dork I'm having fangirl problems with my own characters…maybe I need rehab. Thanks for the review. **Mentarisenja, **I'm glad you like Jock. He is one of those characters you want to hug and buy an ice cream and go shoe shopping with! Wait…that's why Hermione loves him…anyway, thanks for the review dear! I lost my gay-pal to aids last year so…Jock is like him. Only he was way more wild then Jock. Plus Christian Sariano is like my muse for this character… **Twitchy the Squirrel, **Sorry I decided to update honey; anything is better then spending time with my mother-in-law. Yes. Baby Einstein is like babies crack…I swear by them. Yes a tattoo…I wanted to show that Hermione with Draco's help kind of came out of her shell…well that was of course after his friends got her drunk! You know what they say; Slytherins are like Heineken beer, pretty, green, silver and love to get you drunk! I'm glad you like Jock, like I said I fell in love with my own character. I also love that you always have some constructive criticism in your reviews; you're like a best friend! You're a sweetie! (thanks for the review in my 12-things.)

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-P.S. You want to here the two most pretty and beautiful songs then listen to: violin concerto No.3 and Requiem Lacrimosa by Mozart…so beautiful. They help me relax during writing. If you haven't noticed already I love all music…really…all the time a song is playing.

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Hermione gasps and runs over to her shoes, almost tripping over her skirt…they had just got back from dinner, "No you don't understand Draco, these are Gianluca Soldi shoes...Ivory and ebony black leather crossover heels from the vintage Italian store!"

Draco huffs and puts his hands in his pocket, "They are just shoes…and you have too many."

Hermione blows him off, "In the words of Kelly of youtube…shutup."

He is smirking, "What are these? They look like torture devices that belong in the dungeons…not in a closet." He is holding a pair of shoes like they are rats, away from him and hanging from his fingers.

Hermione puts the last pair back straight and then runs over and grabs the heels and secures them tightly against her chest like a treasured book, "These for your information are valentino gladiator sandals…the only pair in the world he ever made. Bought them off the runway in Tokyo…when I was pregnant with Max!"

Draco watches his wife put those back on one of the racks and makes his way to the second floor of the shoe closet, she was following, "Wait Draco what are you doing?"

He walks to a section of brown shoes and picks one up, "Okay, now this is one of the weirdest shoes I've ever seen…what is it?"

She smiles and giggles, like she just fell in love with that shoe over again, "Tacori alligator pumps with diamond rhinestone buckles and chains."

He huffs and walks farther down the rows of shoes, Hermione once again puts the shoe back smiling at it like a piece of art, "Wait, Draco…don't touch anything!"

He rolls his eyes and looks at her hundreds of pairs of boots…some of them he had to admit would look sexy on her, others looked weird…he picked up a pair, "Okay…now what the fuck are these?"

Hermione grabs them and huffs, "For your information they are Manolo Blahnik blue swade lace-up joker stiletto boots. You know these were 2,295 dollars…aren't they pretty!"

He blinks, "Have you worn them?"

She giggles and blushes, like she is afraid to answer, "Maybe…"

He huffs, "You don't even wear them…so why do you buy them?"

She looks at him, "I will…I just want a special occasion or an outfit to go with them…like a really nice dinner party or… hay! When I go shoe shopping with jock tomorrow!"

Draco stares at her, "You're going to buy more?"

Hermione smiles and looks at him, a contagious giggle from her as she points out what the whole term 'shoe shopping' meant. "Well that's the whole point of 'shoe shopping.' To buy shoes."

He walks to the spiral staircase and climbs again, with his wife following, "Draco sweetie, why are you raiding my shoe closet?"

He turns around, "trying to see why you like shoes so much…I mean I'd be fine with buying you the world's most expensive jewelry but your more content with the worlds most outrageous and most expensive shoes…"

Hermione huffs, "For your information Draco Malfoy, they aren't outrageous…they're pretty. I also buy books."

He smiles like the evil git he is and says, "Fine…lets head to the library…"

Hermione follows him, "Wait Draco! Please don't make me explain all the books in there! I haven't read the five ones I bought today, I mean…err. Draco! Draco! Wait…Draco…yes I buy shoes and books but why do you have such a bad time with me buying shoes?"

He leaves the closet and takes a secret passageway into the library. He stops short and Hermione bumps into the back of him, "Oomph…"

Draco turns around, "What book is this?" he grabs a leather-bound book with gold writing all over it.

"An autobiography on one of the founders of Hogwarts, they just found it in a vault and sold it to me for a very reasonable price. We will be the only library with a copy…" She smiles…and sees his frown, "Okay! I looked everywhere and asked everyone if there was something on Salazar but his exact words in his last will and testament were 'Them who hither my belongings shall be scrutinized like dirty blood.' So they never found any of his written documents…that's why I bought the autobiography on Gryffindor."

Draco puts the book down on the table. He makes his way to a shelf, "And this?"

Hermione looks at him pointing to a book…she blushes, "You don't remember that book?"

Draco thinks for a second, "No…I thought it was new?"

Hermione takes it off the shelf and laughs, "It's a hundred and fifty three sexual positions…it only looks new because I put a child-lock charm on it…you know it's bad enough Max was watching cinemax the other night…"

Draco opens the book, and puts his wand to it, the charm takes the hidden pages and he sees a picture of two people doing the wheelbarrow. He blushes and looks at his wife, "Now I remember…"

She closes the book, "We bought many of those books…remember when we hid one in your parents library! Your mother found it while looking for a gardening book! I sat there in the library planning the wedding. Best five minute of my almost-married life."

He laughs, "Or when we put a charm on my father's leg and the dogs automatically just fell in love with him!"

She cracks up laughing, "Remember we sat after dinner enjoying coffee and then the dog just automatically started humping him."

He stops laughing and looks at Hermione laughing, she really looked beautiful. Her brown eyes glowed with excitement, not depression like the past few weeks. She was back to her old self. He leaned in and kissed her, almost making her fall over. Instead her head was pushed up against the ancient books and her heel was caught on the edge of a shelf. His kiss was hot, but just as steamy as it was when they were younger.

He pulled back and left her panting, she says in-between deep breaths, "Holy shit…does laughing turn you on or something?" she laughs and giggles taking deep breaths.

He pulls in for another kiss, this time his tongue slips to the roof of her mouth scorching every sense and nerve and sending her body into an almost toxic-love overdosed stage.

He pulls back and smiles at the power he has to make his wife slide to the floor.

Her voice husky from the adrenaline and brain chemicals reacting to his touch lets out a moan and she says now sitting on the floor with her legs apart and her fluffily skirt in all different places her hair bushy and sticking out and her lipstick smudged. She looks up at him and panting, "Why…do…you…always start these things…huh?"

He laughs and looks down at her, "Like the look….it does well for you. What do you call it? Just fucked and runway ready?"

She narrows her eyes at him and is still panting; she comes up and sits on her knees, "I wasn't fucked…well not yet."

He looks down at her, he had her where he wanted her…he smiles seductively, "Who said I was fucking you? I'm going to go to your shoe closet and get rid of some shoes…" he begins to jog away.

Hermione gets up fast and looks serious not seductive he tricked her! It takes her a second to get up because she is wearing a fluffy skirt and nine-inch heels but she does and starts to chase him, "No…not my shoes!"

She gets into the closet and looks around, he isn't there…she is panting, "Draco…where…are…you?" she screams, "Come out you ferret!"

No answer…

"Don't do anything to my shoes! Do you hear me?" she calls and suddenly feels hands grab her waist…she lets out a scream. He puts his hand around her mouth and pulls her down, "Merlin woman, don't come chase me without expecting me to not get you back…"

Hermione takes a deep breath, her chest heaving back and forth from breathing heavily. He lets her mouth go, "You scared me…I thought you were going to get rid of my shoes…"

He gets up and takes her hand, as they walk into the other closets Hermione walks another way. He looks at her, "Where are you going?"

Hermione turns around, "To take a bath…care to join me?"

He smiles, "Well yes…yes I would."

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They lay there in the sheets; Hermione takes a deep breath of hot shivers his breath creating tingly sensations on her delicate skin on her back, "Draco?"

"Hmm?" he says comfortably resting on her naked body…already half way to sleep. The post-sex time was his to rest his body and Hermione's to mumble things…while he ignored.

She whispers, "How do you think the kids are doing…you know with your mother while your father is away…I'm starting to feel bad."

Draco moves the hair out of her face and up to the side of her neck as he kisses the other side, "Fine…she wanted to have them with her…"

Hermione nods and was just feeling jittery of leaving her kids with their Grandmere…the thought of classy Cissa with two kids…was scary.

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Meanwhile at Grandmere's house…

"He is a sponge that lives in a pineapple underneath the see…" Max says trying to explain the concept.

Narcissa blinks, "And his friend is a starfish?"

"Yeah and he has a friend that is a squirrel but she wears a fish-bowl on her head so she can breath." Max smiles coloring.

Narcissa pours herself some more wine….it was going to be a long night, "Fascinating, and Mr. Crabs…is he a nice fellow?"

Max shakes his head, "No he is a crab…which means he is crabby…"

Narcissa swallows the newly poured beverage fully, and pours more, "Really…interesting."

Max smiles, "He also has a whale for a daughter and she is spoiled and mean and has a huge crush on spongebob."

Narcissa looks at the window and back at her grandson, half drunk..."Amazing!"

Max nods and scribbles on the paper over spongebob's face, "See spongebob is yellow!"

Narcissa points at it, "He is a real sponge…wait I thought he lived in the." She hiccups "Sea."

Max nods, "He does…"

Narcissa pours another glass of wine, "Then I don't get it…it doesn't make any sense…"

Max rolls his eyes and huffs, "It's like goofy being a dog…and Pluto having different reactions and him being a dog…it is just a cartoon."

Narcissa goes to pour more wine but the bottles empty, looking disappointed she turns towards her grandson "Wait goofy is a dog?"

Max nods, "Yeah, like I said…Mickey is a mouse…Donald is a" he is cut off by his curious and obviously tipsy grandmother.

"Duck…yeah yeah I get it…but if Pluto is a dog and so is goofy, then why does goofy walk on his legs and wear clothes and Pluto actually act like a dog?"

Max shrugs and puts his hands in the air, "That's what I'd like to know!"

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Hermione awoke that night and sat by the window, her mind in thoughts. It was her first night away from Max and Teagan, and she only thought of the worst. What if something happened? Teagan was walking now…would that be a problem? What if Max had a breathing problem, like he did on stuffy nights? What if…what if…Teagan swallowed something small…it was all too scary.

Draco stirs and sees his wife starring out the window and tapping her barefoot feet against the wall…she was nervous and deep thinking. "Mione…come back to bed…" he says groggily.

Hermione smiles sweetly, "I'm fine…" she turns back towards the window, the moonlight shinning off her brown eyes and her starring down at the never-ending lush green that surrounded the manor.

He gets up and walks towards her, the night was freezing and how she could be wrapped in a silk sheet and be warm he never quite knew. "Come on Mione, they are fine…probably asleep while my mother reads a book in the library…"

Hermione huffs and turns towards her husband, he isn't wearing anything. This isn't embaressing because she has seen him naked more time then she can count…but at least she had the decency to cover-up. She guessed it was one of those manly things. 'Their house they can do whatever they want to do.' "Easy for you to say…" she looks back out over the grounds…

He stops her foot from it's bouncing with his foot and sits on the other side of her, "You know my mum had me, she can handle anything."

Hermione looks at him as he starts rubbing her feet, "Yeah, but she never had a baby and a child…Max is enough to handle but Teagan…Teagan is rough at nights."

He smiles, "Would it help if I told you some stuff she had to do with me?"

Hermione shrugs, "It can't beat our children…but sure try me."

He looks like her like she'll be taking those words back, "Okay I was around the age of five…or four…either way I was young."

Hermione cuts in with a laugh, "Was it one of those days your mother put you in that little sailor suit?"

Draco blinks like how the hell did she know about the sailor suit…

Hermione laughs, "Come on my mum wasn't the only one a little excited to show off all my baby pictures….Narcissa was more then thrilled to have me sit and look at all the wonderful baby pictures of you…trust me there was millions…"

Draco sat there and went from rubbing her feet to his head; apparently those pictures were embarrassing enough to give him a headache.

Hermione smiles, "What? They were cute…I was thinking of including one on our anniversary party invitations!"

Draco looks at her, with a dead fowl smirk…

"Okay, okay I won't…now go on tell me a story about your childhood you were four or five…"

Draco takes a few seconds, "anyway I was always a picky eater…"

"Babe…you still are a picky eater..." Hermione stares at him.

He looks at her like to tell her to shutup, "Anyway, my mother had offered me sushi for dinner…I in return threw a fit."

Hermione like the know it all she was said, "It sounds like Max…" she looked at his face, "Fine! Ill shutup."

He smiles and continues apparently he liked talking about himself, "anyway so there I was at the dinner table…just minding my own business. Being a good kid, you know like the angel I am." He sees Hermione biting her tongue after this apparently trying really hard not to laugh. Apparently she couldn't believe he was ever an angel.

"So my mother hands me a piece of sushi, raw fish…with rice surrounding it….you know how she is with different types of food…and I didn't want to eat it. So she went and got me caviar…I wouldn't eat that either…"

Hermione shakes her head, "You know…I'm trying to see how this is going to make me feel better…"

Draco rolls his eyes, "Finally she sent me up to take a bath, and if I wasn't going to eat then I should just go to bed…"

Hermione couldn't help herself, "Aww where you wearing your wittle sailor hat and with your wubber ducky?"

Draco turns pink and responds the best way he knows how, he gets up to take something Hermione likes and while Hermione is cracking up laughing he smiles and starts to head towards the closet, "That's it those blue swade heels are going to charity!"

Hermione gets up fast, "No! Draco! No!" she is now dead serious, "I was just joking…"

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Teagan looks at her grandmother, apparently she can't sleep. Narcissa stares at her, "Go to sleep…please for Grandmere…please."

Teagan blinks, and still stares at her. Her hands are in her mouth and her soft blond curls are put in little blue bows…her beautiful brown eyes stare up at the woman…in a daze.

Narcissa looks into them and like the softest butter…melts, "Okay…okay me and you can go have a bottle…yes?" she picks up the baby and feels with peace. She always wanted a baby girl, but wasn't like Hermione who went against traditions. Even though now she wished she did. The baby rested her head on her grandmother's shoulder. The sudden memories of Draco's infant years flooded her mind.

They made there way to the kitchens, the elves were working and a bit confused to see there mistress up at this hour. She never came into the kitchen; they were surprised she knew where it was.

However Max sat eating an ice-cream sundae and was putting more chocolate syrup on it them there was ice cream. He too was surprised to see his grandmother, "Hey Grandmere…"

Narcissa patted Max's cheek, "Hello, dear…" she looked around at the kitchen and turned towards her grandson, "Where do they keep the bottles?"

Max shrugged, with his mouth full he said, "Ib dontb knowm."

Narcissa looked at an elf, "Get me a bottle!"

An elf did as he was told and Narcissa grabbed it, "Here you go…there that's better. See I can handle you two…right Max?"

Max looks at his grandmother, with raised eyebrows, "yeah, but you do know Grandmere that Teagan doesn't sleep until mummy or someone reads a story to her."

Narcissa looks at the baby, mouth clung to the bottle. Her eyes starting to become sleepy, "Are you sure?"

Max nods, "Mummy never sings, she usually hums…but sometimes she lets me do it and I sing the weird sisters!"

Narcissa looks at her grandson, it was like Draco reincarnated. "Really…do you want to sing to her now?"

Max snarls, "No! I don't do that anymore…plus she starts crying when I sing…watch."

Narcissa can't stops him because he starts screeching out a song, and the baby stops sucking the bottle and what starts as whimpers begins to come out as crying…

"Max…MAX! That does fine…now go take your ice-cream to the sitting room." Narcissa said almost pleading with him to stop.

He stops, "But…you said I wasn't allowed to eat ice-cream in the sit-"

"It's okay…just do it!" he shrugs as his little sister squeals. He hops off the stool and takes his towering ice-cream sundae with him.

Narcissa starts to hum, at first it seemed like a dead case, that the baby wouldn't listen and wouldn't shutup…but soon everything was quiet…even the elves gave a breath of pleasure from the aerie silence of hums and the baby sound asleep. Narcissa smiled, and wonders how Hermione does it all.

Max comes back in chocolate all over his face and his hands, "That was yummy…"

Narcissa nods, and whispers; "Now it's time for bed…and a bath."

He thought going to Grandmere's was supposed to be fun, and that didn't include taking a bath. "But…I…"

"No buts now go take a bath and ill be there to tuck you in."

He gets up and suddenly is hit with a wonderful idea…

Narcissa takes her granddaughter back to the bedroom they were once in. Unaware of Max's intentions.

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Hermione sat there she and Draco were cracking up laughing. In her shoe closet. She was in a silk bathrobe while he sat in his velvet one.

"Wait do you remember when I was in labor with Max and you were asked if you wanted to help with the delivery and grudgingly you accepted, the healer tells you to pull Max out and you say, 'I don't know…if I break it I'm going to be very pissed.' You never looked so frightened, like you were going to die or something…plus I'm sure my screaming and crying didn't help matters…" Hermione sips her wine.

He lays his head on her breasts, "The doctor told me it was fine, but I didn't want to hurt you or Max…really though it was a little weird. I thought I had seen everything, and then wow…wait never mind."

Hermione cracks up laughing, "Remember the day we went to Paris…I found out I was pregnant with Max there…your parents were surprised."

Draco smirks "Or remember before that you got the flu and my mother said you were pregnant then and when you actually were pregnant she didn't believe us…"

Hermione nods and copies Narcissa with a fake uptight voice, "God Draco, it's just the bloody flu…if she was pregnant we'd know, I know these things…"

He laughs, and copies his father, "Draco, don't trick us like this. If she were pregnant with the heir then there would be immediate stuff to prepare for…"

Hermione cracks up laughing, "I bought my first pair of shoes in Paris…remember the day they confirmed I was pregnant. I didn't tell your parents. After me and your mother went shopping, I bought a pair of shoes because she was ranting on and on how If I didn't have children, I should at least find a hobby. I did…I bought shoes."

He laughs, "I never fully understood what happened when you told me mother you really were…"

Hermione laughs, "First I had to talk to a French healer who knew little English and get trying to point out that I was having a baby which he made it sound like I was having a 'baybau' Then after I got back really excited about it, to the hotel and was nauseas your mother made me go shoe shopping and after about three hours of conversation or should I say Scolding for not having a child yet, I bought a pair of shoes and told her at the cash register…I really just wanted to see her face."

He laughed, "I was told she fainted gracefully…"

Hermione snorts, "No…how the hell do you faint gracefully?"

"I don't know but that's the way she put it…"

Hermione laughs, "Yeah it's like…hey everybody watch me faint alright watch me hit this counter, no dude it's so funny. Watch…watch you will crack up laughing. Watch me watch me! Watch me hit and damage my skull for fun against this counter and crack up laughing right before I become unconscious, just watch! Alright…alright BOOM!"

Draco laughs hard, "Sounds like Goyle…"

Hermione nods, "Your mother did not faint gracefully, it was more of a boom, crash and blackout and she mumbled a bunch of stuff that Id rather not repeat…like you did when the hippogriff slammed you to the ground!"

Draco smirks, "Hmmm…what about that time you slipped in hoagsmede…now that was fucking hilarious."

Hermione narrows her eyes at him, "No it wasn't…it hurt!"

He smiled, "You were the one who deliberately had to chase after Weasel-"

"Weasley…"

"Whatever! Anyway…then you hit a brick and slid all the way down that snowy hill…that was one of the best days of my life…"

Hermione folds her arms, "I didn't slide…I tripped…"

"Down…what thirteen types of snow hills?"

"Okay fine I slipped! Your friends didn't help matters. Of course this was before you ever liked me…and they cracked up laughing, when I broke Ron's nose with my foot…"

He was finding himself hard not to laugh, "Man…I mean it was awesome…really. I have to say Blaise and me were going to give you a ten, blood splattered all over the snow!"

Hermione sat there and thought for a second, "Wait where were you?"

He smiled, "Oh I don't know by the shrieking shack…when the group heard a girlish scream and saw you push Ron down the bank and then you tripped and in slow motion we saw a bushy haired brunette triple over and slide down the show bank screaming and cursing in Spanish…wait I think it was Spanish."

Hermione laughs, "It was Russian but go on…I might as well listen to your side of the story. I don't remember much after anything…"

"Then we heard a crunch, like bone on bone…we went over to first off laugh our arses off, but when we got there…we found blood…and two unconscious individuals."

Hermione's mind was blank after her foot hit Ron's face and her head hit a snowy rock. All she remembers was waking up in the hospital wing…"Ugh…wait fill me in on more."

He smiles nervously, "Well since we are married, I guess it would be a good time to tell you that Grabbe and Goyle took your papers and copied your answers…and Blaise umm well he…he took a look at your bra…he wanted to know what you wore underneath your clothes."

Hermione sat there silent, "Wait…I…" she closes her eyes and takes a deep breath, "Alright finish your come to Jesus meeting…before I kick his ass."

He smiles, "After that we took you to the infirmary, where you started mumbling out things…well a few were about me…and the rest well…were study notes."

Hermione opens her eyes, "What about Ron?"

Draco shrugs, "We don't know…we were told Potter found him."

Hermione looks at him, "Why didn't you help him?"

Draco smirks, "Because, I only told them to help you…after all I did care about you more then Weasel…plus I owed you after all you're the one who told the oaf to take me to the hospital wing after the hippogriff incident…"

Hermione thinks for a second, "You cared about me then?"

Draco smiles, "Well I had weird feelings about you after the war, you know…I started having fantasies and shit…finally after I heard Ron was going to ask you out I got pissed and found you in the hallway and kissed you…god you were actually hot."

Hermione sits there and looks at him, "you mean you wouldn't have liked me unless Ron did that first?"

He felt himself climb deeper into shit, "No, actually I had plans…but all of them sounded stupid…"

Hermione smiles, "All your plans were stupid honey…"

He huffs, "No they weren't my plans were perfect, they just never went according to the way I had planned them."

Hermione huffs, "Oh yeah, the time your parents left the manor to you and you thought it be great to send Blaise down the spiral staircase in one of your great aunts, ancient tea dresses on your mother's silver serving plate…"

He thinks and smiles, "We were drunk we couldn't help that…"

"You boys were always drunk, and you were being douches." She laughs, "Remember the time you dressed up as monks and went bar-hopping?"

"Oh yeah…well your friends aren't to great themselves…Jock come on….he plays with people's hair and claims muffin-tops are the end of the world as we know it."

Hermione snorts, "Oh yeah well your friends wear sunglasses inside and at night! Just plain retarded…"

He narrows his eyes, "At least we dress fashionably…"

Hermione turns towards her husband, "Oh yeah…the naked girl belt buckle is just fashionable…"

He looks at the clock, "Wow…its 4am I wonder how everything at my mother's went?"

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Earlier that night…

"Max!" Narcissa sees Max in the pool at twelve at night…

He looks up laughing, "You said to take a bath…"

"Bath not swim!"

"I am taking a bath, just in a very large bath-tub…"

Narcissa rubs her head; she was way to damn old for this…and can't believe she is thinking she is old…

Max laughs and splashes and makes water pour on his grandmother, "Opps sorry Grandmere…"

Narcissa swallowed her temper, "It's…Its…fine."

Max gets out and as Narcissa dries herself off with her wand, she points the spell at Max making his pajamas dry before Max runs into the manor laughing…and slipping on the marble, he catches the stairs and makes a dash for the upper level of the house…Narcissa follows and slips on the water and hits the stair-rail. She swallows her pain and stomps up the stairs after her grandson, "Maxy darling…Grandmere is very tired…I can't keep up."

Max was at the top of the stairs and starts screeching and laughing running around the corridors….the family portraits watched him and could have sworn it was Draco…but no it was Draco's son.

Narcissa tried to catch up; she pauses to take a breath, "Max! Max Grandmere is way to…"

The portrait of Narcissa's mother is sitting there apparently pissed, "Old…you're too old."

Narcissa turns towards Druella Black and narrows her eyes; she straightens up and says, "I am not!"

The portrait was still as stern and mean as she remembered, "It's the mudblood…probably gave her child sugar to make him hyper…you know its bad enough the little prat is filthy but now it's uncontrollable like an animal."

Narcissa thought of how Hermione would stand up for Narcissa and had in the past, even to Lucius's mother, plus she's the one who made him hyper, "Look, mother…my grandchild is not filthy…and for your information he is not a prat…and first thing tomorrow your portrait is going out of the family hallway…"

Druella Black sat in her portrait frame smirking and laughing in disbelieve, "You will not…you don't have the gull to do so!"

Narcissa huffed and straightened out her half-damp sleeping robes, "Believe it mother…" she walked away…and saw the other family members portraits feel threatened and all smiled nervously as she walked down the corridor, "Max…max it's time for bed sweetheart…"

Druellla's portrait started crying, "The filthy bitch has turned you against your own mother! Narcissa! Narcissa!"

Narcissa was already down the hall and opened the door to one of the extra rooms and sees her grandson in a bed and getting warm…he was giggling, rubbing his eyes and yawning…apparently tired.

She walks in, about to scold him….but he did something that made her realize why she stood up for Hermione and her grandchildren. Max sat up and hugged her, "You're the greatest Grandmere in the world…I bet my other grandma is with captain and looking down thinking you…that you are the best Grandmere to take…to take her place."

Narcissa nearly burst in tears; it was so amazing that his innocent words had captured her so. Max hugged her tight, "Grandmere…I'm sorry if you hit your toe on the stairs and that I didn't wait for you in the hallway…I'm scared of the portraits and I love you…I love you Grandmere!"

He lets go of her and slips in-between the sheets, "Night night Grandmere, I really love you."

She wipes the tear rolling down her cheek; she tucks him in, "Max?"

His sleepy eyes flutter open, "Yeah, Grandmere…"

"I love you too…" she says choking back tears and kissing his cheek.

His eyes close and he soon is captivated in sleep, Narcissa can't see how this creature sleeping so peacefully and so loveable could be filthy…there was no way. No possible way.

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Lucius came home early that morning to see his wife, with her blonde hair sticking out in different directions, her clothes wrinkled, her eyes weepy and her drinking more wine…

"Hard night?" he asks while trying to hold back laughter.

Narcissa looks up at him, "What the bloody hell do you think?"

He looks around at the sitting room; it looked like a tornado hit it. He looks up at the chandelier, "What the…"

"Silly string…"

He looks down at his tired wife, "its silly string…?"

She nods and swallows the cup of wine whole, "It was in this siderboy toy or some crap like that, he pointed and it shot out…nothing I could do."

Lucius picks up two green gloves and puts them together, they make angry sounds…he drops them, "What are these?"

Narcissa pours more wine, "The incredible hulk gloves…trust me they are more annoying then they look…"

Lucius finds a little skateboard…and doesn't bother picking it up…probably knowing Max got it from his uncle and it had caused his wife some serious trouble in the past few hours. However a doll caught his attention in the pile of toys around the large sitting room.

He picks up a yellow doll, "what the?"

Narcissa wanted to stop him and it was to late…the damn thing started laughing…hysterically and annoyingly.

Lucius was confused…maybe this is what Hermione meant by toys that make repeated loud noises.

Narcissa smiled and raised her wine glass, "Lucius meet spongebob!"

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Pansy and Ginny burst out laughing.

Hermione drinks her cosmopolitan, "I feel bad, poor Narcissa…"

Mary sits there not laughing, "Yeah, I'm with Hermione on this one…that's just bad…"

Pansy smiles evilly, "I'm having Blaise's mother watch mine…it sounds fun."

Ginny was the one this time to want the dirty, which surprised the whole table, "So Hermione did you and Draco have fun without the kids?"

Jock walks up to the table, "Sorry I'm late lovelies! I had an emergency straightner problem; mine blew out on me so I had to do with curls…how do I look?"

Hermione kisses his cheek and smiles, "You look lovely…curls do wonders to your cheekbones."

Jock looks at Mary, "Brown Suga how you doin?"

Mary shrugs, "I'm good…"

Jock turns towards the redhead, "Ginger! How is my stripper momma doing?"

Ginny blushes to a red, "I'm fine…"

Pansy laughs, "Bitch…"

Jock flips his hair and takes off his sunglasses and smiles at Pansy, "Whore."

They kiss each other's cheek. Then sit back down. Jock smiles finishing off Hermione's Cosmo, "So my lady loves what were you talking about before I made my grand-entrance?"

Pansy raises her eyebrows and squirms them at Hermione, "we were about to hear what our Mione did with her husband while the kids were at Draco's parent's house with Narcissa."

Jock exclaims, "Shit…is Cissy okay?"

Pansy taps his hand, "she is fine…now let's get back to the point…Mione?"

They both turn towards Hermione. Smiling with interest.

Hermione smiled, "I jumped his bones…okay. We went out to dinner and I seductively accidentally slipped my hand into his lap underneath the table, then we got home and got in a fight over my shoes…then we took a long bath. Let's just say bubbles weren't the only thing being blown in there. Then we got to the bedroom and he started throwing a fit about finding a hole in the sheets, I was so turned on that I slipped his member through the hole and we only had our private parts touching…it was really hot."

Jock interrupts fanning himself, "Wait a minute…give a girl time to breathe. This is too steamy. I feel like a school-girl being turned on by her sexy mysterious professor…"

Mary asks, "Why do you always refer to a school-girl?"

Pansy puts a hand on his shoulder, "Because when he went to Hogwarts, he always wanted to wear a skirt….but McGonagall wouldn't let him."

Jock takes a deep breath and flips his hair again, "Okay finish your story Mione…"

Hermione puts her drink down; she had become comfortable sharing her sex life with them…it was normal at lunch. They went around the table and shared there last sexual encounter, somehow Hermione was always first. "After that we spent time in the shoe closet, just talking about Hogwarts…and stuff we remember."

Jock smiles and claps, "That was a perfect bedtime story Mione…okay Pansy your next!"

Pansy smiles, "Okay so me and Blaise left the girls with the nanny and we were goofing off in the hot-tub one thing lead to another and we ended up sixty nineing on the pool lounge chairs…"

Jock squeals, "Really…remind me to never sit on your lounge chairs when we have girl meetings around your pool! Still though Pansy, very hot."

Mary was surprisingly the one to jump in next, "So Zack the guy I'm dating has a thing for doing the deed in public places…"

Jock and the rest of the girls cough on their drinks in delight…Mary was now out of her shell!

Mary continued, "So we did half the deed in a park…"

Jock looks at her, "What stopped you?"

Mary shrugged, "I don't know the kids…the sense of public decency…"

Jock and pansy shrug like they've done worse… they both say at the same time, "And?"

Mary's eyes bulge and just decides to continue, "Anyway, we did the rest in a telephone booth."

Hermione giggles, "Okay…now that is uncharted territory…I'm so glad most people have cell-phones."

Jock adds, "Can you imagine if it was one of those little portals into the ministry!"

Everybody cracks up laughing…except Mary. She just knows that her kid is a witch…some things she didn't know about. "What?"

Jock shakes his head, "Never mind Suga."

They turn to Ginny, who shrugs… "I have nothing to share…"

Jock blinks, "what do you mean you have nothing to share?"

Ginny blushes, "Harry has been busy lately and I'm busy with the kids…so we haven't really done anything…"

Pansy stares at her in disbelief, "Trust me honey, we all have unrolling schedules but even we need a good hump every once and awhile…"

Jock asks, "Do you at least masturbate?"

Hermione almost spits out her long island ice tea.

Mary smiles, "Trust me Ginny before I met Zack…my best friend was a little thing called 'vibrator.'"

Hermione shakes her head, "God we are awful…"

Everybody ignores her and looks at Ginny, Pansy smiles, "Or do it in the shower…really the best thing in the world."

Ginny shrugs, "Mmm…its fine. Trust me after everything clears it will be back to normal."

Everybody shrugs and turns towards Jock…He smiles and sits up straight "Okay my turn…this is so exciting! It's like girl-scouts all over again except we don't have any cookies and we all have hit puberty and there's no Barbie's or teeny bopper magazines! Oh I should have worn my little girl-scout hat and my little badges it would have made this so much more fun!" He smiles and shakes his head, "Okay me and Chester my Italian male model boy toy did it doggie style on his mother's fur rug in front of the fire."

They all smiled, god they loved Jock…he made everything fun.

Jock finished, "Then we went skinny dipping in the private lake…and that was pretty much it. I was wearing my little park ranger dress and my hair was in pigtails…Aww I was so cute."

They all finish their drinks…no matter if there weeks were horrible or stressful; they made each other feel better.

-

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-

Hermione sits no the bench alone, watching her son play, she looked upset.

Ginny walks up and sits down, "Hey Hermione…you alright?"

Hermione nods quietly she didn't talk mush as Ginny's kids ran off to play.

Pansy walks up, her daughter Daisy already running off, "hey ladies…I brought us some muffins and coffee at starbucks…and…what's wrong with Mrs. Malfoy over there."

Ginny takes the coffee and muffins from Pansy's hands, "I don't know she is in one of her moods…something must have happened.

Pansy gets down to Hermione's level and looks up into the mother's eyes, "Mione what's wrong?"

Hermione wipes her eyes, "I hate my father…"

Ginny and Pansy exchange glances, then look back to Hermione. Ginny asks, "What's happened?"

Hermione takes a deep breath, "He left Elle…and she is living on her own…he also has another girlfriend now."

Pansy looked outraged, "Merlin Mione…that is…that's…"

Ginny exploded, "How dare he! This is stupid, why are you so sad?"

Hermione looks up she has tears in her eyes, "I'm starting to feel bad for Elle, because…it's the same situation with my mother…"

Pansy sits next to Hermione and rubs her shoulder, "Talk to your brother, and sister…see what they say…"

Hermione shudders and wipes her eyes, "I hate this…I hate it." Once again Hermione was the parent feeling like she had to take responsibility for her father's mistakes.

Then just as everything couldn't get worse an all too familiar face showed up, Shirley Freebush walked up, her gangs of mothers close behind. They looked like they were wearing the same shirt only in different colors and their haircuts looked particularly the same…like stepford mothers do.

"Hello…ladies." Her grin smiled, she looked like she had just poisoned somebody's brownies at the school bake sale.

Hermione looked up and nearly grumbled, she wasn't in the mood. Why? Why now of all times?

Shirley smiled, "Well dear, your father and his wife were all over E news…you know because his wife is a playboy playmate…do you think that is healthy for your kids to grow up around. I was just telling the ladies about how awkward it must be for your children to grown up around a aunt that is younger then them…I mean how will you explain it to them? We were all curious." She smiles "So we came to ask you…"

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Author's note: Oh shit! Shirley crossed the line…see what happens in the next installment! Hehehe! Thanks for reading! Night Darlings!


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